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Our friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered several obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's constantly blindsided in relationships. Her partner left her, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle disappeared then, since they had been drawn to him. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, likely understood better the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many in her circle have drifted apart without her being sure why. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each retired leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play between us is to listen. I start discussion points and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been planning a vacation abroad I've visited many times even called home for a while. I tried to provide insights, but this was unappreciated. She purely only wanted validation of her plans. I have come back from a month in that country she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she will ever understand the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is seldom the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of resolution requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one involves describing how things go in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. Step two is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. Emotions belong to you, of course. Finally is to question how you are both will alter the dynamics between you."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful for promoting better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss all you say, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they won't let go of since their identity is tied to it being the only thing they trust. It's tough because there's no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might start out like this then consider about what you've said. If you don't achieve an agreement, it provides closure knowing you were truthful.